Somewhat relevant: Why don't you get it? We won EVERYTHING.

I'd say that minus a medal or two, it was an overly successful trip for the USA Women. We CRUSHED the Russians and everybody else in the world.

For the very second time EVER, the United States won team gold, and for the very FOURTH time ever the United States took the All Around Title and for the VERY VERY first time ever, this happened in the same Olympics.

We won BOTH of the titles that everybody was there for, it then some.

This team final was A.) a redemption from the Men's team final. B.) My birthday.

Right off the bat, Mama Jo served up an Amanar that had Vika and Maria Paseka already in tears, Gabby followed with a vault just as good if not better. IF I wasn't already scared and anything other than a USA fan, I would've been shaking in my boots and the sight of Ms. McKayla chalking up her feet. Macaroni performed the most flawless and sickening vault ever seen. This was encroaching on Dragulescu territory, seriously. Although her score was fair, because her legs were apart at the take off and she may not have held the stick for long enough, and her feet, NOT HER LEGS, her FEET, were slightly crossed, I DARE you to find me an Amanar better than this. Extra points go to the soul that can find me BBC reaction coverage of this vault.
It truly was the vault heard round the world.

And Russia followed up with like one DTY, an Amanar, and what would you call aYurchenko 2.25 and then a compulsion off of the matt? Idk if that's in the Code, but it came courtesy of Maria Paseka.

Bars was good, Mama Jo had a little trouble but muscled her way through...like... it's Jordyn. Kyla did what Kyla does, and then Dougie flew like a squirrel to anchor the rotation. Success.
Also--- if your Tkatchevs don't look like Dougie's and you have to drag your butt over the bar, don't do Tkatchevs. You're embarrassing yourself and taking away Dougie's shine.

Russia was great on bars, but the USA lead by nearly 4 tenths.

Russia had some pretttyyy bad mistakes on beam, but no falls, so that's a positive.
USA had a better beam rotation than I expected. Since the judges decided to hammer Jo for her beam connections, or lack there of, Martha put DOUGIE on beam, instead of Jordyn. It's all Geddert's fault anyway because he's too busy blogging to choreograph a beam routine that's not a connection death trap.

Kyla lead the team off, did great, and THEN, oh and then DOUGIE WAS ACTUALLY REALLY GOOD ON BEAM, and hit the routine of her life which I prayed that she would. Aly was Aly, the US National Beam Champion, the anchor of the rotation, the team captain. I bit my finger off when Gabby was atop the beam, but one of the reasons I love Aly is that during her beam I can just kick back and relax.

If Russia was going to win gold, they would have had to be 10X more perfect than they're capable of and Dougie, Mama Jo and Aly would've had to scratch. Our lead was sizable and only increased with each Russian floor routine.

Musty was great on floor, Grishina did like half of the tumbling pass that she was supposed to do, and Afan fell on her face- literally.

All the USA children had to do was hit 3 not even mediocre, but even 3 pretty bad routines, to win gold. Dougie dougied, Jordyn hit, and apparently since she couldn't win AA gold, had to settle for team gold.( Al Trautwig, please explain.)
Even though Aly did her 1.5 through to double Arabian but took out the punch front layout, it didn't matter. All she needed to do was hit a score of around 10.624 and be #winning. When my Raisman was in her bawling phase before her routine even ended, I LOST my marbles. You don't understand.
WE WON.

Russia was in tears and freaking out. $20.00 to whomever memes this photo.