Blame Canada.

A HUGE shout out to Canada.

 Even without my girl Peng Peng :(, which I know that I cried about, because I love that girl, team finished 5th!
Until London, Canada had never ever ever made it to team final ever, and had to qualify the team to the Olympics and January at the test event.
 If she hit, Peng would've most likely made beam final, with her sickening flare mount, and bars with her flare leg things. You know what I'm talking about right? It's like a toe on cast, but with split legs? Kyla Ross does it, Jordyn used to do it, and everyone seems to hate it. Personally those flare kick- castey things- I live for them.
And I may get shot for saying this BUT- it's really a shame that Peng's Canadian. She's such a badass. Canada isn't a gymnastics country, doesn't really have the facilities, training or conditioning.
 If she was from a more gymnastic-ey country, she could've been an international star. Peng is a true natural talent. Same type of shame at the fact that Koko Tsurumi is Japanese. Who cares about WAG in Japan? Just trying to keep it real here.
 Peng not being picked Canada's the team would've been like Jordyn not on USA's team. Although after her injury ended her quest, she was named honorary Captain of Canada's team. BRAVA Canada! A little while before the Canadian Olympic team was chosen, she injured her ACL. I can't exactly tell you how I reacted, because I love that bitch and NEEDED TO SEE HER in beam finals, but everyday I remind myself that she's going to UCLA, so I have reason to be thankful for that.
And you know what? 5th place for you Canada! YOU GO CANADA! I'd love to see ya'll on the/a podium in the next few years. I didn't think that team finals were even possible without Peng competing, but she was a great captain. Little 15 year old Victoria Moors really stood out on the team. I know that for many years, Canada's wanted to do a semi-centralized gymnastics program like we have here in the US. I hope that this 5th place finish is a sign that Canada is rising and will be part of the future gymnastics history.

My hats off to the hat of America.

Why don't you get it? We won EVERYTHING.

I'd say that minus a medal or two, it was an overly successful trip for the USA Women. We CRUSHED the Russians and everybody else in the world.

For the very second time EVER, the United States won team gold, and for the very FOURTH time ever the United States took the All Around Title and for the VERY VERY first time ever, this happened in the same Olympics.

We won BOTH of the titles that everybody was there for, it then some.

This team final was A.) a redemption from the Men's team final. B.) My birthday.

  Right off the bat, Mama Jo served up an Amanar that had Vika and Maria Paseka already in tears, Gabby followed with a vault just as good if not better. IF I wasn't already scared and anything other than a USA fan, I would've been shaking in my boots and the sight of Ms. McKayla chalking up her feet. Macaroni performed the most flawless and sickening vault ever seen. This was encroaching on Dragulescu territory, seriously. Although her score was fair, because her legs were apart at the take off and she may not have held the stick for long enough, and her feet, NOT HER LEGS, her FEET, were slightly crossed, I DARE you to find me an Amanar better than this. Extra points go to the soul that can find me BBC reaction coverage of this vault.
It truly was the vault heard round the world.

And Russia followed up with like one DTY, an Amanar, and what would you call aYurchenko 2.25 and then  a compulsion off of the matt? Idk if that's in the Code, but it came courtesy of Maria Paseka.

Bars was good, Mama Jo had a little trouble but muscled her way through...like... it's Jordyn. Kyla did what Kyla does, and then Dougie flew like a squirrel to anchor the rotation. Success.
Also--- if your Tkatchevs don't look like Dougie's and you have to drag your butt over the bar, don't do Tkatchevs. You're embarrassing yourself and taking away Dougie's shine.

Russia was great on bars, but the USA lead by nearly 4 tenths.

Russia had some pretttyyy bad mistakes on beam, but no falls, so that's a positive.
USA had a better beam rotation than I expected. Since the judges decided to hammer Jo for her beam connections, or lack there of, Martha put DOUGIE on beam, instead of Jordyn. It's all Geddert's fault anyway because he's too busy blogging to choreograph a beam routine that's not a connection death trap.

Kyla lead the team off, did great, and THEN, oh and then DOUGIE WAS ACTUALLY REALLY GOOD ON BEAM, and hit the routine of her life which I prayed that she would. Aly was Aly, the US National Beam Champion, the anchor of the rotation, the team captain. I bit my finger off when Gabby was atop the beam, but one of the reasons I love Aly is that during her beam I can just kick back and relax.

If Russia was going to win gold, they would have had to be 10X more perfect than they're capable of and Dougie, Mama Jo and Aly would've had to scratch. Our lead was sizable and only increased with each Russian floor routine.

Musty was great on floor, Grishina did like half of the tumbling pass that she was supposed to do, and Afan fell on her face- literally.

All the USA children had to do was hit 3 not even mediocre, but even 3 pretty bad routines, to win gold. Dougie dougied, Jordyn hit, and apparently since she couldn't win AA gold, had to settle for team gold.( Al Trautwig, please explain.)
 Even though Aly did her 1.5 through to double Arabian but took out the punch front layout, it didn't matter. All she needed to do was hit a score of around 10.624 and be #winning. When my Raisman was in her bawling phase before her routine even ended, I LOST my marbles. You don't understand.
WE WON.

Russia was in tears and freaking out. $20.00 to whomever memes this photo.

(Image via Deadspin.com)

USA was celebrating and also in tears.

(Image via Bleacherreport.com)

Aaannndddd....Geddert was Bolting 

(Geddert image via TheStar.com & Usain image via nowpublic.com)

This has happened before.

This doesn't really count, but the trend is nothing new, I suppose. I see you Geddert.

Men's team final, GB, Japan, Ukranian sorrows...things of that nature.

 By now, you may have labeled the United States Men's Gymnastics team as the biggest disgrace to the country since Rosanne singing the National Anthem.
 We can all agree that a fifth place finish obviously isn't spectacular and we dropped two places from not only the 2011 World Championships, but from the 2008 Olympic Games. You may think that John Orozco, aka the new Alicia Sacramone, cost the US their first gold medal since the 1984 Los Angeles and you also may think that the scores were fixed for the underage Chinese Gymnasts, or the Communist Russians or the home team or something else but also really really really ridiculously ignorant.

I am here to point you in the general direction of the nearest seat that you can possible take.

After a first place qualification finish, a medal looked as if it were inevidable for the USA, and that medal could be gold. After the implosion of the Chinese and Japanese teams, it was like omg just give them the medals now, it's not like they're going to lose.

Yeah.

Not so much.
You see, my dear friends, the United States Men aren't used to being first. They do not know how to be first, and maintain a first place position. FIRST, was without a doubt the worst possible thing that could have happened to them. Here in the USA, we house the professional underdogs.
   Between Sam putting his hands down on floor, Danell coming off of pommel horse, Alicia Sacramone John Orozco coming off of pommel and getting a non existent block and sitting his vault down, and other shenanigans, a fifth place finish is actually pretty good. I don't know at what point the USA saw that mistake after mistake left them in like 8th/8, but the last two rotations brought out the best in the Americans. The USA knows how to A.) Be the underdog and B.) Finish strong. They did both and rallied for a fifth place finish. Despite mistakes that never should have been made in the first place, they never gave up. I'm proud to say that the United States of America made the high bar their bitch.

While the USA was either cheering, crying, patting each other on the back, or under a towel (@Leyvastowel) China didn't seem to care. My money's on that the Chinese Kevin Mazeika assembled a team of Honey Badgers.
They didn't care about prelims, and basically died, but still placed 5th overall. They didn't care about all of the outside forces trying to screw with their team final performance and just hit, walking away CHAMPIONZ.

Now, Team GB (I thought it was United Kingdon, UK, but I guess it's GB, just like Big Ben is Queen Elizabeth Clock Tower and the O2 Arena is the North Greenwich or something like that.), a team that didn't even know if they'd qualify for the games took home the silver,  ne bronze medal. I thought that it was a fluke when they won European Championships earlier this year, and to be quite honest, I had to do a double take. Like, in case you've been chillin under a rock for literally 100 years, no lie, Britain doesn't win team medals. I also thought that it was ironically saddening that Daniel Keatings, one of the most successful British Gymnasts ever wasn't on the team. And then...Britain placed first in their qualifying subdivision over CHINA and actually second overall? (????) If this, Great Britain home team, isn't the only actually good British Gymnastics team to grace the earth, consider me a fan.

And poor Ukraine :(. It was a sad day because at initially it looked as if they'd be in third or  fourth place, all dependent on Kristian Thomas of GB, on floor. China would walk away with the gold, because, you know it's China, and Japan the silver. While the home crowd of GB was getting their lives, Kohei Uchimura, in a dramatic fashion, cartwheeled his dismount. It looked as if he didn't pass through a handstand, which knocked the team from an inevitable second, to a fourth place finish. After Kristian Thomas' hit on floor routine, and no one was paying any attention to Kohei. Ukraine was like if Kristian Thomas gets THIS score, we get bronze, and if Kristian Thomas gets THAT score, they get bronze. After the score was flashed, Ukraine thought they were in fourth and bowed their heads in shameful disbelief, but then everyone realized that Uchi and the rest of the Japanese team were in fourth, and they were in THIRD.


Anyway, after a shred of disappointment, Ukraine was like you know what ya'll...we done good. Celebrations began and I'm sure that somewhere out there, Podkopaeyva was crying tears of "even though I'm better than you, I'm still hella proud" joy. After 10 minutes of silver lined celebrations by GB, Kate Middleton, myself Japan was like LOL NO, after several WTF faces and things of that nature . And then Ukraine was like :(, once more.
Also GB was like :(.

Ironically, Ukraine was basically right back where they started, in fourth. And can I just say that I would rather finish DEAD last than be fourth? Heck, if I knew that my team would place fourth, I wouldn't even show up to team finals to collect my handshakes and pathetic little pats on the back.

 Japan filed an inquiry, hunnit dollar bills in hand, to change Uchi's pommel horse difficulty score, creditting his dismount. This would move Japan from fourth to second, shattering the lives of every British fan in the building and ever, and, more importantly, the Ukranians :(. But, ladies and gentlemen, he dismounted. I thought that he did from the very start, and since Tim Daggett was convinced that if you slowed it down, it would prove that he didn't pass through handstand, that was enough to prove that he did...
Even so, I completely justify the reaction of destain of the British crowd because I know that if this happened on American soil, the entire Japanese population would be getting a beat down.

 Did anyone else catch Louis Smith, (Who is apparently GB's version of Aliya Mustafina, or like Austin from Make it or Break it or something,  because he's a diva bad boy, with a soft side, but in reality just a badass) say "You shouldn't make inquiries." I love that guy like it's no joke..

At any rate, Japan deserved a medal, China slayed, nothing new. GB surprised me with some great stuff, and I feel for you Ukraine... I really do. As an American, I forgive my team. All of the skills were there, and even with... lemme see...4 or 5 major mistakes/falls, we still ended up fifth. If the USA hit 18/18 in Team Finals, things could have been different.

I love my team, and I'm proud of this team, because they finished strong. Let me tell you, 5th isn't the worth position that that could have ended up in. I can't fathom why they (Kevin Makeika, and I'm sure Tom Meadows may have been apart of this choice) would put Orozco on vault instead of maybe Horton? Horton putting his hands down, which he's done a few times recently wouldn't have POSSIBLY scored in the 12's circa Orozco. Orozco isn't an accurate vaulter and never really was. Combined with the Olympic pressure, this kind of mistake was bound to happen. The other mistakes were just silly, but that's alright. The USA is still the 5th best team in the world, putting it in perspective. We finished strong, which I'm really really really proud of. After seeing I was in 8th, I would have given up.

If I can just add that in the last SEVERAL years, GB, Ukraine and Russia were not anywhere close to how they performed in London- I most certainly will. Britain earned their first team medal in 100 years.

And just a smooth shout out to those of you STILL calling BS, for USA's fifth place finish and accusing China for doping, or sending underage adult male gymnast, communist judges or something equally as ignorant- at least the USA wasn't fourth.